Funny Adam Stories

You all must have brilliant stories about Ads  - email them to me please - Lets focus on some true Ads humour  - email them to mike@wooltd.com

Story from Pip - one of Adams best buddies

This is the story that makes me cry with laughter each time I tell it

I was driving down Westdale Lane with Ads in the passenger seat as we pulled over to the local newsagents called Berresfords on the corner of Berresford Road. Adam got out to get a newspaper. As he did so I pulled forward from the front of the shop and reversed up Berresford Road so I am now sitting at the side of the shop waiting on Ads to emerge.

Then another car pulled into the exact space I had just vacated....(you are getting ahead of me here readers, arent you?)

The owner of that car got out and walked into the shop as Adam walked out reading the paper. Now, bearing in mind that the other guy’s car wasnt the same colour OR model as my own this didnt seem to deter Ads from opening the car door and sitting quite happily in the passenger seat, still reading his paper.

Now, at this point Im sat in my car 5 metres from Adam and I couldnt breathe with laughter at which I thought was the funniest thing Id ever seen in my life - I was wrong. The funniest moment came seconds later as Adam started to look around for the whereabouts of me. I could see him thinking “Wheres Pip?”

The moment that proper finished me off was... as he glanced over in my direction and I gave him a little wave from my car - the panic on his face was the funniest thing I think I will ever see. He shot out of the strangers car, shut the door and calmly walked over to me at the exact moment the owner walked from the shop. Adam nodded to the guy as if to say “Morning” acting as though nothing just happened.

To the annoyance of Ads we didnt move from that spot for ten minutes due to my inability to breathe let alone drive, with him constantly saying “Come on mate it wasnt that funny”

..It was Ads, it so bloody was.

Story from Andy Pritchett - one of Adams best buddies

I will start by going way back and the time Ads cooked Nin, Rach and me a meal at his parents and I also must apologise now to the girls. We must have been the worst boyfriends girls could ever wish for, as we were constantly late and more often than not a little worse for wear when we did eventually turn up...

Sorry I digress...

Back to “Raymond Blanc Godfrey's” cooking. We arrived and everything seemed in order, a veggie stroganoff as I remember and all seemed to be going to plan. " I'm off to do the rice Andy" said Ads, great I thought, we were all looking forward to our meal.

It must have been 15-20 minutes later and a horrible burning smell was coming from the kitchen, being a good mate and to save his blushes, I went to help and left the girls in the lounge. I was greeted with “I just can't get this f***ing rice right, Andy!!”

Two pans were completely black and ruined with hard rice melted to the bottom. What you doing? I asked, Ads replied "I keep putting the rice in and it keeps burning". How much water you putting in? I enquired

WATER? How was I supposed to know you needed water?

A real classic, he never did read the finer details, and would steam off head long into things thinking it would always turn out right.

Andy P x

Story from Steve Beal - one of his many friends

My story is short but really sticks in my mind. Me, Pip Truss, Rog and Ads did the Full Monty for charity. We had many many discussions on how we would look naked and if there was anything we could do to “look more impressive” should I say...When a certain someone piped up...

“Chaps, Im worried about my ginger floss, its going to glow under the lights”

He was right to be worried, it was wild

One of many from Andy Pritchett - one of Adams best buddies

One of our many nights out in Nottingham. Adam asked how we could bag ourselves a couple of girls for the night. My advice was speak to 10 and you would succeed with at least one.

As the night went on, I was doing alright with my theory and bumped into him and got a torrent of abuse. “I've spoke to at least a hundred birds Andy and all I've got is a slap”

He then carried on with “Why is Nottingham so full of Lesbians“

Well that comment lived with us for such a long time. If ever any of the Lads ever got a knock back from girls they had to be Lesbians....obviously!

Story from Gaz Fletcher - one of Adams best school buddies

"My wedding in 1990 caused Ads, Andy, Shane, Sav, Shep, Rob, Bill, Dave, Nev and others to sit in the choir part of the church. All proceeded to give a resounding "Ar yeah" at the end of every verse of a hymn.

The best part of a typical Ads story though is this...

Ads was an usher and needed to wear a new suit. This was acquired through my mams catalogue. Being the type of suit Ads wouldn't wear again, after the wedding he sent it back "unused" so he wouldn't have to pay for it. Complete with stylish fag burn to the jacket pocket.

Gaz

Story from Sarah Wainwright - School mate

My funny story seems so trivial compared to the years you all spent with Adam, but I can honestly say he was one of the only boys I remember from school who made me laugh and always had time to chat, i always got on so well with Adam.

I havent seen or heard from him since we left school but never forgot him. I used to work at "MICKS" chippy on Burton Rd when i was still at school, weekends and evenings, i always remember a few lads always coming in including Adam, all giving me grief ( just cuz they could!!)

Adam being one of them that would always ask for their “sausage to be battered,” or “2 legs open please” ( chicken of course! ) the list goes on lol

The one thing I do always remember is Adam always laughing with you all, and even though he found it hilarious he would go red and leave the shop looking as if to say sorry lol

We'd get to school monday and he would always come talk to me, making sure I suppose I knew he never meant to cause me any harm, so even back then he was a good friend to me and always made the effort to talk to the fat girl who worked at the local chippy !!!!

RIP Adam, u will always be in my early memories of school where i got constantly picked on and you never made me feel like I was...who the bullies said I was xxxx

Story from Tufty - One of his many mates

So many moments shared with Adam have popped out the memory bank in the last few days turns out in modern lingo I like most who knew him had a bromance going on with him!

My favourites Ads moments

Number 5 -  Australia Ads and Shane moving into my shared house .... only house rule do not try it on with landlady.. 3rd night ...you've guessed it... Why Ads? Because floor was so uncomfortable?

Number 4 Head injury on way to Wembley?

Number 3 Thanks Ads for introducing Vicar of Dibley into my life

Number 2 The magic bucket Bunno and Tim Chedz to concur that one!... with credit to Ads Dad Alan

Number 1 Me doing midnight flit with backpack hounded by The Lebanese massive after they found out their sister the landlady had slept with westerner...see no 5!!!

Thanks Ads for letting us be part of your adventure Love Tufty***

Story from Steve Smith (Smithy) - One of his many mates

I have just been looking through some texts from Ads in Oz when the lads were in London in Nov, I thought Id share this little conversation with you

This is how it read...

 

Ads – You going dancing tonight then Smithy?

 

Me – Probably. All leathered drinking with Andy P and Pip

 

Ads – Well you always was a mover on the dance floor can remember you in Greece, Pip text me earlier and said he was drinking with a posh lanky tampon.. I thought that was a bit harsh !

 

Me – He is a wa**er i am going to twat him right now!!

 

Ads – Yeah go on belt him in the face!

Story From Dawn Higgins - Andy P’s sister

Ads u will remember this funny story but the joke was on me,

Its was the summer of 1993 in Calpe Spain.

We had all gone out drinking this night and we all ended up in Comets (as u do if u r in Calpe) the only late nightclub in Calpe.

Andy, Deano, Ads, Me and Tracey (my friend that lived there) were in the nightclub.

But for some reason Andy, Deano and Tracey left before me and Ads, (knowing Andy he probably made sure that Tracey got home ok as that is the kind of guy my bro is) so that just left me and Ads (Well we probably wanted another drink).

Anyway it was about 6.30am and i think we had had enough so off we went outside to get a taxi, but lo and behold no taxis, so in our drunken state we decided to start walking.....haha it was along way to walk. Anyway had not gone far and I wanted a wee......

It was very dark as in a back road so no lights, Ads says to me  “go behind that bush i will keep a eye on the road” (sorry but laughing now with the memory). So in mid flow and suddenly lights appear and Ads turns round to me and says hey Dawn we have a taxi, then burst out laughing as i am lit up in full view crouching down having a pee in the taxi lights....Ads couldn't get in the taxi for 5 mins as he was laughing so much at me, I was mortified well ish as i had had a drink (thank god) will never forget that moment...fun times with ADS

love u and miss babe xxxx

Story From Helen Brown - Good Friend

It was a Week night and a few of us decided to go the penny! (Not an unusual decision! Lol).

Ads had heard he had got a good plastering contract so was celebrating (in his work gear covered in plaster!!) he got drunk and for some reason he challenged someone to an arm wrestle!!

Oh dear, instead of giving in he broke his arm! (Adding to the huge number of broken bones he had over the years. (Obviously that is not funny!) I hadn't been drinking so took him to the hospital. We waited for about 4 hours with ads constantly saying "thanks H, really love you mate!"

When he finally got to see the doctor and nurse the doc said "have you been drinking?" He replied "I've had a few, it's a special occasion" the doctor and nurse looked at his attire and looked puzzled! The doc said "Adam how much do you drink in a typical week?" He sat there for a while thinking then calmly said...

"not much.....prob bout 70 pints a week!!!"

He saw my face and said "what's wrong with that?" I couldn't stop laughing and said " you’re supposed to underestimate babe"

he said " I did!!" 

Hxxx

2 more from Andy Pritchett - one of Adams best buddies

This story goes back to 1993 when Adam had just come back from his Aussie trip with Shane. There was a backpackers reunion in London held by some Kiwis he had met. So we left for London on the Saturday morning with the intention of having a couple of beers before hitting the party at about 7pm.

Well the couple of beers turned into a full blown afternoon session as they often did and we ended up unbeknown to us in a gay bar in Soho, right you have to try and picture this...

Ads shaven headed, drinking a bottle of Hooch for some strange reason, me with my dodgy side parting and probably some loud Orange shirt on and us both having a cuddle on a leather sofa....it had got to that point in the day when Ads wanted a cuddle.

So there we are in some dodgy embrace when two guys approached us and asked if they could take our photo for a cover shot in Gay Pride magazine. Well you can imagine I was not too impressed, however Ads thought it was hilarious and we continued to have our photographs taken!

Story 2

This is on the same weekend as above. We were traveling back to Nottingham both feeling a little rough from the party and session the previous day so we stopped off for a newspaper for Ads and some coke and Pistachio nuts for me.

Driving along I would keep getting a nut, cracking the shell then chuck the shell out the window and then throw the nut in my mouth. Adam was engrossed in his newspaper as he often was, and put one hand into my bag of pistachios without really taking too much notice.

His hand emerged from the bag with about 8 or 9 whole nuts of which he tilted back his head and just threw the lot in.

The noise was deafening as he started to crunch and crunch and crunch with an awful lot of pain in his face. His tongue was popping out like a lizard’s with a mouthful of nuts and shells and all

His next statement which was " fu***ng hell Andy these are bloody horrible, how do you eat this Shit?"

Well I nearly crashed the car, I could not breathe from laughing.

Another day in the life of Ads. X

2 Stories From Alan & Zoe Walker - More of Adams buddies

Ads and I were friends at school, we bought ‘singles’ at the ‘bottom shop’ and smoked them at ‘the wall’.   I picture him clearly in that massive parka with the target on the back, a 14 year old ‘mod’ - though with Adam’ that was surely short for ‘modest’. 

These visions I can’t escape at the moment (although his Full Monty routine has also burned into my retinas!)  He was one of the coolest kids in school though I’m sure he would disagree - such was his self effacing nature. 

 

Alan and I have fond memories of Ads but the two that have had us giggling most over the last few days are these.  You’ll have to interpret it how you can and imagine it in Ads’ words..     

 

A few years ago Ads very casually confessed to Alan and the group of lads that he had fantasized over every one of their wives and girlfriends at least once.  When probed (and the names of sisters, wives and girlfriends past and present were put to him) he nodded and smiled the Ads smile and with no shame whatsoever acknowledged each one individually admitting to “even the ropey ones”.  His honesty knew no boundaries!

 

Story 2

The second involves me, middle of the night constipation, an inability to read the instructions on a packet of laxatives and a wide eyed, very harrowing, abruptly ending commute to work the following morning.  Ads simply loved that story.  He found it so compelling that he had me repeat it to him at any opportunity (he would even get Alan to retell him the story) each time demanding more detail and each time having a more faraway look in his eyes until there really was no mystery left between us!   

 

It’s a sadder place that you’ve left behind Ads but one that was the better for having you in it.

Al & Zoe

Message From Rach Topham (Martin) - One of his many mates

One of my most vivid memories with Adam starts with just a normal night out. Me, Nin ,Adam and Andy all went off to the pub in Adams van.. My mum and dad were away at the time so we carried on the night at my house.

After carrying on drinking and Nin and I perfecting our dancing queen routine we went off to bed, only to be woken later with a banging on the kitchen door. After much confusion we went down stairs to investigate,only to find Ads stood outside naked having slept walked half way down Lambley lane in BJ, he wakes up wondering where he was. In his confusion he had been to a Number of houses to find my mum and dads !!!

I have never laughed so much as when I was with Adam, the things he used to do and say just used to have everyone in stitches.

Love Rach xxx

Message From Dean Butler (Bill, Deano) - One of Adams Best Buddies

This story always brings a smile to my face !!

Me and Ads were working together at a house in West Bridgford , putting down a concrete base ready for a new garage to be built on . We’d got everything set up ready to start , cement mixer on the go , ballast , cement and a dozen big buckets of water on the pavement ready to pour in to the mixer.

Ads was at one end of the base and I was at the other nearest the road , when along came one of the local ladies, complaining that we were blocking the pavement with our buckets , we weren’t , there was bags of room, which I was just politely trying to tell her when she kicked over one of the buckets of water and stormed off down the street !!

Ads , having watched this from the garden , came running past me , picked up another of the buckets of water and proceeded to run after her , and having caught up with her , poured the full 15 gallons of freezing cold water over her!!!! I could do nothing else but collapse to the pavement doubled up , in absolute stitches !!!!!!

Love ya mate , keep those angels smiling xxxxxxx

Message From Rach Horsley (Williams) - One of Adams Best Buddies

Ads and I decided to go and see Brian Adams play in Sheffield. I drove whilst Ads drank tinnies with his feet up on the dashboard. When we got there, he bought the biggest tub of popcorn I’ve ever seen.

We waited for the gig to start and I’d noticed he’d not eaten any of his popcorn.

As soon as Brian Adams walked on stage, everyone cheered and stood up and Ads threw the whole bucket of popcorn in the air and covered everyone!!

I should have known better!! xxx

Story From Joey Pierrepoint - Pip’s Wife

I remember you having to drop something off at our house, but the only form of transport you had was Julie's car….the classy Citroen Diane with it's red & white stripey roof!

So as not to be recognised, you found the 'Poodley' wig that Andy wore as best man at our wedding & wore it throughout the drive!, you said “so everyone thought a girl was driving”

I'm not sure if you got some weird looks because of the car or the wig, but I certainly laughed when you turned up & I had to take a photograph!! - (see the “driving in Disguise” photo on the gallery page)

Love Joey xx

Message From Jonny Pollard - One of his English Mates out in Oz

Well where do you start with Ad’s he only had to be around ten minutes before disaster would strike             

 

I had to paint a house on a Island in the estuary at Mandurah and since it was just after my brush with ant death I thought  I had better take someone with me and who better than ‘’lucky eddie’’ himself. 

We worked hard all day and thought we deserved a beer, the plan was to head over on the boat (with no lights) to the pub early and have 1 – 2 and get back before dark.  No problems Jonny I have my trusty (very expensive) dive torch if we need it.

Well 1 – 2 drinks turned into 10 pints as always, we set off in the dark from the pub not being able to see out of the windscreen of the boat due to salt damage to the perspex.  Ad’s hanging out one side me hanging out the other.

Ad’s pulls out his dive torch, now your imagining the torch to be a foot long and light up like Wembley wouldn’t you?(that’s what I did) – Nah if the torch was 4 inches long I’d be exaggerating.  What the F**k is that Ad’s?

Pitch black we managed to somehow find the house / jetty.  Ad’s leaps off the boat with the rope and runs along the jetty only to disappear down a section of missing jetty – screaming I'm in the water, I’m in the water Jonny”. 

I don’t know how but in the confusion I ended up in the water with him.

 

Ad’s explaining to the wife – “Fat Boy didn’t fall in the water he was laughing so hard he rolled out”. 

 

Another venture with Lucky Eddie

 

Love you Ad’s miss you mate – Jonny P

Message From Andrea Pollard - Jonny’s Wife

So many funny stories Ad’s

 

Arriving in Australia in a very classy denim suit (as usual the boys at customs took a liking to you for another full search), first stop the beach, as quickly as you entered the water you exited running up the beach screaming.    A stinger the culprit – wrapped right around your knob.....only you Ad’s. 

 

Opening up the door to Ad’s standing there bloodied holding his arm slurring “Fat Boy made me get in, I didn’t want too”with Jonny in the background laughing as always.  They had only taken a shopping trolley with Ad’s sitting in it and run him into a kerb up ending it. 

 

Who’s going to tell me those great stories with fabulous hand gestures that have me crying with laughter – like :- Superman Pip flying through the air trying to stop someone stealing Ad’s scooter – only to discover it was Ad’s and Billy killing time waiting for a Taxi with a quick once around the block – “Joey went mad at me" he said quite proud. 

 

My first memory of Adam was sitting in the Penny, him wrapping his arms around Jonny’s neck, kissing him on the head and saying Ï really love you mate” – Jon looks at me and says yep its time to go Ad’s is loving everybody”

 

Taking him to the airport for a trip back to England he said to me “Now I’ll ring you with the date I’m coming back” I know the date your coming back Ad’s””Yeah but I’ll have to change that, I’m pretty popular you know and all the lads will make me stay”.  Many conversations ended with “well you know Ad’s your pretty popular".

 

Who else can work on an aged care facility and book in a tiling job but instead of doing the job sits all day with a 80 year old man on his couch, eating soup, watching cricket.

 

 

Love you Adam

 

Andrea, Jayden, Allia & Brydie Pollard

Story from  Toni & Gill - Girls  - Mates from Manchester

One of the nights in Faliraki, the lads spotted a person-sized spinning wheel and decided (as they would) that it would be a laugh to have a go.

Andy and Mike (Pip) went first and it went a bit like this as they were spinning round ..

Andy: ha ha ha ha ha f******, aaaaagh, hahahahahaha .. on and on!

Mike: aaaaaaagh, hahahahahahaha! f******, ha ha ha ha .. on and on!

Then it was Ads’ go so he gets on with this big grin on his face and it went like this:

Ads: ha, ..... silence ….. silence ….. silence… silence

Toni: Ads .. you ok?!

Gill: Adam … say something … you ok?!

Toni: Ads … speak to us!!

Gill: speak, speak!

Ads: ….silence …………………..

The wheel stopped and we all just stood there holding our breath expecting him to get off and collapse or something but he just got off, grinned, picked up his beer bottle and carried on walking. It still makes me laugh to this day that it was the only time all week he completely lost the power of speech (whilst scaring me and Gill out of our wits!).

On another occasion, we were all just chilling-out in a beach bar late one afternoon.  Andy had gone off to throw himself off a bunjee crane (it was a looong way away from where we were all sitting but we knew he’d made it as he was the only one up there in luminous orange shorts .. think belisha beacon).

Mike & Ads decided to play a sort of improvised game of volleyball with me, Gill and Steve as the audience.  Well I can honestly say we were crying laughing within about 2 minutes because Mike was belting the ball and Adam was just randomly throwing himself on the beach (or that’s how it looked) ... he would just throw himself in any direction except where the ball was coming from but the funniest thing of all was he was actually trying to hit it back … we had stomach ache from laughing!

Theres only one Ads

Toni & Gilly

xx

Another Story from Pip - one of Adams best buddies

This story takes us to Paris...twice!

Myself, Shane and Ads had got hold of an extremely good deal in which to go and see (ahem) Phil Collins in concert in Paris - 3 nights it was sold to us - which basically meant 2 of the nights were on a friggin coach travelling!!

Anyway, upon arrival to Paris after plenty of beers on the ferry and coach we were "overjoyed" to find out Mr Collins had a bad throat and cancelled the concert - Great!..which meant alot of wandering around Paris drinking which included Shane sleeping on a bench for 3 or so hours if I remember rightly.

The concert was rescheduled a month or so later and back we went. Altho this time Ads, during a kickabout had endured the wrath of Gray Carlisle's ill timed tackle and had his leg broken. So off to Paris with full length pot on his leg and crutches - Nothing stops Ads

So, the point of the story.. We visited the normal Tourist attractions and it was at the Sacre Couer this took place. The Sacre Couer (for those who havent been) is a large ornate catholic Church raised up on the top of a hill.

At the back of the church are very wide steps that many many people sit on to enjoy the sun and some lunch. On this particular day an acoustic band were playing half way down where the steps break into flat area - and the steps were packed, absolutely crammed with people Im guessing around 400 or so. Ads loves live music of any kind and the 3 of us were at the top enjoying the tunes they belted out.

It became apparent to us that the direction we were going we would have to go down the steps and bearing in mind Ads leg is fully potted up I looked at him and said "its a long way round mate if we dont do the steps, but its your call...what do you want to do"

He smiled cunningly and said - hold these lads and lead the way, passing me his crutches. So Shane set off and I followed zig zagging thru the people as best we could only to turn round and see Ads - pot fully out in front of him as he hopped and hopped step by step shouting excuse meeee..., he gradually but quite quickly descended down the many steps

As he went it caused more and more amusement amongst the crowd until the whole lot were now watching him Boing Boing Boing down each step. He never stopped once “pogo-ing” down them all, (and there were alot)..until he neared the bottom. By now the band had stopped playing as Adam had clearly stolen their thunder. All eyes were on Adam

He got to the bottom as I handed him his crutches, The cheer he got was deafening and we turned round to see a FULL standing ovation, every single person on their feet, laughing, cheering, applauding such a great moment.. the band too were clapping.

Ads raised his crutches in the air and milked it for a moment, turned and "High Fived" Shane and I, and literally carried on as tho it was an everyday occurrence

Just the coolest dude ever Ads, just the coolest dude ever

Story from Shane Wood - one of Adams best buddies

Nature watch!!

I sat in the railway hotel in Donnybrook Western Australia waiting for Ads to come back from his first day potato picking. When he walked in he was as white as a sheet, orders a beer and sat in silence.

After some coaxing I got the story out of him.

Whilst working out in the fields Adam looked up to see his first kangaroo bouncing around in the distance, Adam being an animal lover and veggie couldn't contain his excitement and pointed out his vision to the farmer who promptly drew out a rifle and shot the poor things head off " bloody vermin " he exclaimed

Ads was mortified.

Story from Richard Brocklebank- one of Adams buddies in Oz

Ads was mates with a guy in the midland brick place called Mark he was a mod and got around on a Lambretta. Ads was dead jealous of this but said he was too big for a Lambretta and would only ride a Vespa.

We both looked at them in Bali last year and was going to import one each. Anyway there was a bit of a scooter convention going on at the Ravenswood pub about 4 ks down the road from me. Ads said he was going and if a pub was involved I said I would meet him there.

I’ve  been known to tinker with mechanical stuff down the shed and sent off for one of those motors you can install on a push bike. All went well with the installation and I thought that I may as well take this contraption to the scooter convention to meet Adam.

Well I came bombing down to the pub at full speed 60 Kph whizzed round into the car park to be meet by Adam waving both arms furiously at me to stop at the back of his Transit van,  he shouted...

“For Christ sake get it in the back of the van before anybody sees you”

I said I was prepared to put it over by all the other scooters. Well he didn’t see the funny side of it and said I looked like something from Wallace and Grommet on my home made scooter bike.

He duly took me home to drop off said bike so we could engage in our weekly Sunday session in town and no more was said about my near involvement in Quadrophenia Australian style